Why We Decided to Homeschool – And It’s Not Why You Think | Part 2: Heart to Hearts

This is part two of a blog series on why we decided to homeschool. To catch up to speed on this story, click here!

Mama Bear Takes Action

The homework, the tests, the report cards and the curriculum at large was mounting to be a bigger and bigger problem. It was no wonder my son was having a hard time. The timed math facts quizzes really highlighted how our school district was expecting too much from my little boy.

Our Sons Requests Influenced Our Decision to Homeschool

MENTAL HEALTH DAYS

In March, my son’s stress levels sky-rocketed. Begging me to stay home from school, he asked why other kids could be absent but he couldn’t be. With six-year-old rhetoric, he cited all the reasons why a kindergartner is allowed to be absent. “You can be absent if you’re sick, if you’re on vacation, if you’re going to the doctor, if you’re having surgery, if you’re going to Disney World, if you want to go to the playground. . . ” I asked him why he wanted to stay home, and with tears in his eyes, he emphasized that he just needs a break from kindergarten. My heart was breaking. This wasn’t what I envisioned when I thought of my firstborn being in kindergarten. I never anticipated a child in kindergarten would need a mental health day.

Hearing the words, “I hate school” had become an unwelcomed daily ritual in our home. This boy was under stress and instead of getting better – it was only getting worse. This Mama Bear needed to take action to help my baby. Something had to be done, but at this point, homeschool was still not on my radar.

These Conversations Influenced our Decision to Homeschool

STEP 1: CHAT WITH OTHER PUBLIC SCHOOL MOMS

My first action step included talking with other moms whose kids were in the school system. Was I the only one experiencing this? Was this normal? Did other Mamas have advice?

In the middle of March, I met up with my friend Emily for coffee. She’s a mom of four kids, three of whom who have graduated from kindergarten in a nearby town. I shared everything on my son’s kindergarten to do list. She acknowledged that some assignments were similar but they were carried about in a more pressurized fashion for my son. Other assignments were above and beyond what was required for her kids.

I also connected on the phone with two out-of-state friends. Alison said the kindergartener in her care had no tests, no homework, three recesses, and had centers at school. This child loves school so much that he begs to go to school on days off. In another state, Molly’s daughter will attend kindergarten at an excellent school district in the upcoming school year. This Mama asked the teachers what to expect, and they assured Molly that her daughter would have no homework, no tests, and every day she would end the day with centers to break up the long day. Both of these kindergarten programs sounded more in line with what I had anticipated for kindergarten, but it wasn’t our reality.

Lastly, I reached out to another mom in my son’s classroom. Turns out, her son was also having anxiety over attending school. I can’t conclusively say that our boys were having anxiety for the same reasons, but I can say that this mom expressed similar concerns over the expectations placed on these students.

Step 2: Reach out to the School

I needed to gain better understanding behind these math quizzes. I emailed my son’s teacher. I was quickly rerouted to the vice principal, who was responsible for curriculum decisions. He promptly called my husband.

The two men had a cordial conversation. The VP understood our concerns and showed genuine care. To my surprise, after that phone call the director of curriculum for the entire district called me. Our public school administration took parental concerns seriously and addressed them immediately. The VP and director explained the purpose behind these quizzes is to build a strong foundational knowledge of addition. After hearing my concerns, the director assured me that she was going to address my perspective at the board of curriculum meeting for elementary school math. And you know what? I believe her.

I am grateful for a caring administration and board of education panel. Despite the fact that our final conclusion is to homeschool, I am not against public schools. My son’s teacher has done an incredible job teaching 25 children how to read, write and do math problems. There is so much more that children learn in a classroom than just those skill sets too. I am even grateful that our problem is that the curriculum in our district is too demanding. This is a good problem to have. But a good problem can still lead to a negative outcome.

The Problem Influenced Our Decision to Homeschool

What exactly was our problem? Our problem was that the demands of school put too much pressure and stress on my son. This amount of stress was not age appropriate. Rather than inspiring him, it cultivated a hatred towards learning. It resulted in stress and anxiety.

The conversation with administration proved that my voice was being heard. I knew that my phone call wouldn’t change the kindergarten curriculum in a timely fashion. If this pressure was beginning in kindergarten, what did 1st grade look like? 5th grade? High school? Why did learning have to be associated with stress? With pressure? And why at such a young age?

From a psychological perspective, high levels of stress lead people to look for coping mechanisms. How would my child handle mounting stress that cumulated throughout his educational years?

I started thinking about learning differently. Was it possible to learn information for the sake of learning, not for the sake of a good grade or a high test score? If so, what would that look like?

Meanwhile. . .

As all of these things were happening behind the scenes, I shared my son’s struggles with close friends and family members. In the span of one week, three people asked me if I had considered homeschooling my kids. Dismissing the idea immediately, I said, “No, I’m not going to do that.” My resolve was strong. Until . . .

The Struggle Continues

A Heart to Heart with My Boy

One night in April, my son had a hard time falling asleep. He asked me to sit with him, so I obliged. During this time, my son struck up a conversation that turned into a tender heart to heart between mother and son. You see, we moved into our current house two years ago and he was reminiscing about our old home. He has an impeccable memory and I am constantly surprised by it. Here’s how the conversation went:

A: Mom, I have a question.
Me: Yes?
A: Why did we move here?
Me: Because Daddy got a new job.
A: I miss our old house.
Me: Oh ya? What do you miss?
A: I miss the stairs. I loved how you could stand at the top of the stairs and see all the land below.
Me: Oh ya, that's true.
A: And our deck! I LOVED that deck!
Me: Me too kiddo
A: Except when I got a splinter. Remember that splinter?
Me: I do. That was no fun.
A: Remember when I didn't have a door knob on my door? That was so funny.
Me: Wow. I forgot about that
A: And that moving truck was so cool!
Me: It was pretty big, huh?
A: Didn't Daddy have to fix the sink before we moved?
Me: Yes, he did - wow. I forgot about that too. 
*Pause*
Me: Do you like your life now? 
A: Well, I did as a baby but now I need a break from school. My brain needs a break from learning all the time. My hand needs a break from writing all the time. My legs need a break from walking all over the school. My bottom needs a break from sitting at my desk all the time. My ears need a break from hearing my class be so loud. My eyes need a break from looking at my teacher all the time. I just need a break from kindergarten.

Mamas, I did not alter this conversation one bit. This was from the mouth of a sweet baby boy. It was so eloquent and poetic. I was shocked. And I was heartbroken.

A Heart to Heart with God

The day after the heart-to-heart with my son, he pleaded with me to pleeeeeease let him stay home from school. With desperation in his voice, I almost said yes. Instead, I helped him get ready for school, and then I got ready for my Bible Study that same morning.

My heart was heavy. On the drive over, I knew I needed to have a heart-to-heart with God. With tears streaming down my face and the taste of salt on my tongue, I desperately prayed. “Lord, I don’t want to homeschool. It’s such a sacrifice. It’s a different lifestyle. It scares me. I had a plan for my life to go a certain way, and I never envisioned homeschooling to be part of that plan. God, I was excited to get some independence back once all of the kids go to school full time. How can I give that up? I don’t want to sacrifice that. But Lord, Your will be done. Not mine. I surrender to You my independence. If You want me to homeschool, then I need You to change my heart. Lord, as I go to Bible Study today, let me sit next to Maria so I can ask her questions about homeschool. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”

It was an honest prayer from the depths of my heart.

Maria is a mom who homeschools her twin boys. I don’t often get to connect with her because she is in a different discussion group from me. I arrived at Bible study before Maria. I put my stuff down on a chair, grabbed some coffee and started chatting with the other ladies there. The next thing I know, I’m heading to my chair and guess who was sitting next to me? Yup. Maria.

God provided a chance for us to connect, and I asked her a few initial questions about homeschool. In the back of my head, I still thought, “I won’t do this.”

Pastor’s Luncheon

When I got home that day, I found out that my husband had met up with another local pastor for lunch. Jim shared our son’s struggles with that friend. The other pastor asked if we would ever consider homeschooling our kids. As a homeschool parent for six years, he explained the benefits of home education to my husband. My husband was intrigued but thought, “Holly would never do it.”

That evening, Jim and I shared our individual moments about homeschooling with each other. The crazy thing about this was the timing of it all. When we got out of bed that morning, neither of us knew that I would have honest prayer with the Lord about homeschooling that morning. Neither of us knew that Jim would be talking with a friend about homeschooling that afternoon. You know who did know all of these details and orchestrate the exact timing of it all? God.

Though not convinced on homeschooling yet, over the next several weeks, Jim and I began praying about whether or not to homeschool our kids.

April Break

April break came and went for my kids. Towards the end of it, Jim and I were preparing our son that he would have to return to school. Here’s how that conversation went:

Me: You will have to go back to school on Monday.
A: Can I stay home on Monday?
Me: No, you have to go to school.
A: Well, I have an idea. What if I never went back to school?
Me: Then how would you learn?
A: You could be my teacher, Mommy.
Me: (Playing dumb) Oh ya? So what, I would go into your school to teach you?
A: Nooooo. You would teach me here, at home!
Me: Oh ya? What would you learn?
A: Well first we could do math. Then you could give me a worksheet. Then you could teach me the Bible so I learn how to honor the Lord.
Me: Ok, those are good ideas. What would you call this school?
A: (Thinks for a minute) How about homework school? 
[Jim is looking up at God and says to me/God, "Ok Lord, we hear you!"]
Me: That name makes sense to me. Where did you hear about homework school?
A: (Looks confused) Nowhere! I just came up with it in my clever brain!

By this point, Jim and I were leaning more towards homeschool, but I had more work to do before we could make it final. I needed to do some research.

To keep reading our journey in why we decided to homeschool, click here for part 3 of this story!