Why We Decided to Homeschool – And It’s Not Why You Think | Part 4: A Blank Slate

This blog post on why we decided to homeschool is part of a larger series. Start here: Post 1 | Post 2 | Post 3

Recap | Why We Decided to Homeschool

Whew! This is a long story. Now where were we? Ah yes, I had crossed my t’s and dotted my i’s when it came to research. I learned about how kindergarten curriculums have changed over time. I researched the necessity of play for children of all ages. I listed out the benefits and challenges for both homeschool and public school. I spoke with four public school moms and four homeschool moms. I compared curriculums and co-ops. And finally, I assessed the financial obligations that come with homeschooling. I think I did my homework. Do I get an A+?

My Mom

There’s something you should understand about my family of origin. We are a very respectful bunch of people. We don’t readily share our opinions unless we are directly asked. A few months ago, I mentioned to my mom how I wasn’t sure which preschool in which to enroll my 4-year-old daughter. Instead of telling me what to do, she lovingly said, “I know you’ll make the best choice for her and your family.” It was a supportive answer, and she respected me as a parent.

During April Break, I called Mom to chat. While on the phone, Mom revealed that she strongly believed we should homeschool. My parents’ wanted to support us in that direction however they could. Friends, I’m blessed to say that my parents support is common. My mom offering such a strong conviction is not. My parents raised me to think critically and to be independent. When Mom shared her conviction, I believed in my heart of hearts that the Lord was speaking through her. It was yet another detail pointing us towards homeschool.

Breadcrumbs

I like to call the details leading to our final decision on why we decided to homeschool “the breadcrumbs.” It was like God was showing us how He put all of these breadcrumbs throughout our lives and now they were lining up with current events, guiding us down a path to follow. Click on “Show More” to read through these instances.

These events pointed us towards homeschooling. But we still had to get through kindergarten.

Finishing Well

Wait, what about my son? We last left him struggling in kindergarten. How can Jim and I help him finish the school year with as little stress as possible? To answer this question, I had a conference call with the school guidance counselor and my son’s teacher. Together, we agreed to take these action steps:

1. An extension on his homework lets our son know that as soon as he comes home from school, there is no more schoolwork. Instead, we leave homework for the weekend.
2. Two additional snack breaks during the school day offer him a respite and fuel his body.

My husband and I added these two actions to the list as well:

1. We gave him a calendar to count down the days until summer.
2. We told our kids that next year, they will be homeschooled!

I am optimistic that these steps will help. I’m appreciative that our son’s teacher was able to work with us to meet some of his needs. Do I think these remedies solve the problem? No. If you give someone who is dehydrated a glass of water, that’s great! It helps them a little – but it doesn’t solve the problem when the patient needs an IV. These actions will help us finish kindergarten and right now, finishing well is the goal. For our family, homeschool is the next step.

Five Fears Factors

So here we are, back to the beginning. I said I would never homeschool because of five fears. But through a process of prayer, seeking counsel from others and doing research. I have come to some new conclusions. Why did we decide to homeschool?

It’s Unfamiliar It’s Family-More

If you have never gone on a rollercoaster, you may question why someone would ever want to do it. It sounds foolish to strap yourself into a seat, blast at high speeds through the air and flip upside down. But once you’ve done it, you see the appeal. If nothing else, you’re able to make an informed decision about it.

Watching videos about how homeschooling works, how the day is structured and how to plan a week opened my eyes to a world that was previously unknown to me. Speaking with several families who homeschool helped me become even more comfortable with this lifestyle. And that’s exactly what it is. Homeschooling is a lifestyle that can cater to the needs of each family unit. I don’t view it as unfamiliar anymore, I view it as a family-more lifestyle now. I no longer need to long over spending time with my kids while they are young. I can live it out.

Academic Concerns Accomplishments

Though my initial fear was that I wouldn’t be qualified to teach my kids, the time I invested in examining curriculum mitigated this concern. Choosing a curriculum that is called “open and go” means that professionals created a curriculum for parents that require no lesson planning. They are designed for parents to succeed in teaching kids from home. These curriculums are known to be on par with or exceed state requirements. It especially helps to know empirical data proves that homeschool students frequently test higher on exams when compared with public school students. Statistically, students who were homeschooled also perform better in college. All of this is regardless of the parent’s personal education background. Learning these facts changed my initial fear.

I mentioned that I did not want the onus of my kids’ education on my shoulders. Quite frankly, that statement is faulty. The onus of my kids’ education has always been on my shoulders regardless of what type of school my children attend. As their parent, my husband and I are our children’s advocates. This means we need to be involved in their education, aware of what they’re learning, and how they’re doing academically. I’m not talking about being a “helicopter parent.” I’m talking about ensuring they receive a proper education, whether it’s in a private school, public school, or a homeschool setting. As a mom, the onus has always been on my shoulders, no matter what I tell myself.

Public school education can be an excellent way to be academically successful but it is not the only way. In my heart, the fear of academic disadvantages was dismantled.

Social Concerns considerations

Let’s not sugar coat things. It is true that students who attend a traditional school will be around peers more frequently on a weekly, monthly, and yearly basis. The question I have to ask is: What is the end goal?

A few years ago, I had a revelation: Society had set me up to feel lonely after college. I understand that the society in which I live has a high esteem of the socialization associated with public schools. I would suggest to you, though, that this level of socialization is not the normative in most adults’ lives after college. Once I graduated college, I often found myself feeling lonely. All the more so once I became a mother. When I stopped to think about this, it made sense.

From the time I was 5 years old through the time I was 18 years old, I was surrounded by peers going through the same life stages as me and learning the same materials as me. That means that for a minimum of 30 hours every week I was conditioned to expect people around me to be my age, to be anticipating the same goals or stressors as me. How did you do on that spelling test? What are you doing over summer break? Which 5th grade teacher did you get? Are you going to try out for a sports team? Did you get your driver’s license yet? Are you studying for the SATs? Did someone ask you out to prom? Which colleges did you apply for?

I went to college where I was immersed even further into this social experiment. Constantly being surrounded by people, it seemed impossible to be lonely. Until . . .until I graduated college. And suddenly, all the people were gone. Sure, I had co-workers but they weren’t all my age or going through the same life stage as me. Some had kids. Some had grandkids. Some were married. Some were not. Even when we found common ground and formed a comradery, we were at work -there was no recess. We had to focus on our jobs more than on our budding friendship. It’s actually quite difficult to make friends as an adult, especially once you’re married with kids. Hard enough that there are apps for that!

My point is this: if the goal is to raise children to be well functioning adults, one must consider how adults socialize and work backwards from there. If adults interact with people from different life stages, then perhaps we should teach our kids to work among people at different life stages too. If adults aren’t surrounded by their peers on a daily basis, then perhaps it isn’t bad to model that to our children.

Interestingly enough – home education does this well. Homeschoolers often learn with other kids who are in different life stages. A 5th grader may be learning alongside his 3rd grade sister. A two-year-old may show up to the table when a 2nd grader is learning math. Co-ops may group kids together who are different ages. Additionally, students who are homeschooled are accustomed to being with their family for the majority of their time and with peers for a percentage of time. Hmm, that sounds like what my life is like now – with my family most of the time, with others for a percentage of time. My concerns about socialization were getting smaller.

And as far as my concerns about my kids being awkward? Well – the reality is that I could send them to public school and they could be awkward there. Or I could send them to school, and they may not make friends. Or they may get bullied. Or they may make a bunch of friends, but their friends may be bad influences. Ultimately, I can’t control this. As a homeschool mom, I will do my best to bring my kids around other kids. I will teach them how to navigate the ups and downs of relationships and I will support them to the best of my ability.

Fear of Failure or faith

The fear of failure can trap the best of us from ever trying something new. What really helped me move past this fear was faith.

In the Bible, James writes,

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit" - yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring... Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that."

The beauty in this passage is the reminder that we don’t know the future. We cannot say with confidence what we will do tomorrow, the next day or any day in the future. Likewise, I cannot tell you with absolute certainty whether homeschool or public school is best for my kids. What I can tell you though, is that God knows! And by God’s grace, we can ask God to guide us. When Jim and I didn’t know if we should send our son to a Christian school or public school, I believe God guided us towards public school. Here we are, a year later, with a twist ending.

Both schooling options have pros and cons. Dwelling on the downsides of each option doesn’t help. Ultimately, Jim and I cannot make this decision out of fear. What we can do is follow God in the here and now, trusting that every year, He will lead us. We must choose to walk in faith.

Fomo Fomo remix

I’m not here to play make believe. I still have FOMO when it comes to homeschooling. There is still some sadness that comes with my kids missing out on certain elements of public school. But this other thing had been stirring up in my heart long before my son started showing signs of stress. I just kept putting it on the proverbial backburner because I didn’t want to acknowledge it.

We recently bought a new stove, and one night while my husband was cooking, he said to me, “Isn’t it crazy that this stove is brand new to us but in 15 years it will be old?” I replied, “Isn’t it weird that in 15 years our youngest daughter will be getting ready to graduate high school?” Instantly my heart was grieved. In that second, time was a thief. How could I make the most of the time I have with my children while they are still children?

I was having a different kind of FOMO. I feared missing out on precious times and cherished memories that I could have with my kids while they are still young. Though I grieve the independence that comes with sending my kids to school, I rejoice that through homeschooling, I can bring my kids closer and have more quality time with them. Homeschooling gains more than 30 hours per week back. There is a sweetness to this.

Final Decision – Why We Decided to Homeschool

When we told our kids that we decided to homeschool, my son was so excited he did literal flips on the couch. Like – really. My poor couch. Couch aside, he and my daughter were both ecstatic and still frequently ask, “Mom, when do we get to start homeschool?” or “Mom can we learn about ____ in homeschool?” Their excitement matches our excitement – though you won’t see me doing flips any time soon.

This process started because of the pressures public education placed on our boy. While those concerns remain real, somewhere along the way they became less of the motivation behind homeschooling. Making a decision out of fear can leave you with a misguided outcome. Our final decision to homeschool wasn’t a decision based out of fear. It stemmed from an excitement birthed out of discovery.

Our ultimate decision to homeschool wasn’t based out of fear. It stemmed from an excitement birthed out of discovery.

My husband and I want to have front row seats to our kid’s learning. We want to see the light bulb go off when they have an “aha!” moment. We want to see that spark when they make a discovery. We want to model how to love God and love one another. We want to weave life skills into their daily lives. We want to coach them through relationships. We want to embrace a flexible lifestyle. We want to encourage learning without stressing. We want them to unearth the benefits of playing. We want to enjoy being together, as a family. At the end of each day, we want to be tired – the good kind of tired. At the end of this season of life, when their little faces aren’t so little and their little hands no longer reach for ours, we want to look back on our lives and say we put our all into parenting.

There are different ways to put your all into parenting. Homeschooling is not the only way to educate or the only way to be a good parent. Public school is not the only way to educate or the only way to be a good parent. Both are choices that each family must make for themselves. It seems God is leading our family to homeschool. It’s not what we ever expected, but we are excited! We took an extensive look at our initial blank statement and instead of re-writing that sentence, we decided to go into this next year with a blank slate. Let’s see what God does.